Last night I had an issue with my new car. Its a 2015 Golf Sportwagen TDI with only 16k miles on it and suddenly, out of nowhere, it started squealing like a banshee when the wheels were in motion. I love my little Cherry Bomb and when I had no warning lights on my console and only this terrible sound piercing my ear drums, my heart went to my throat. I drove it for a couple miles but then I remembered as part of my warranty package, I had 24-hour roadside assistance…free.
I called, the tow truck came, the dealership took care of everything and it turns out a tiny, little rock (see photo above) had lodged itself between my brake rotor & the backing plate. Simple, easy fix and all was right with my world again.
Every other time in my life when I have had car trouble, there was instant panic, fear, dread and worry. Neither I, nor my husband are good with cars. Greg is an amazing computer technician (I think of him more as a computer magician because he works miracles) and I…well I can do many things from construction work to sewing but auto repair was never my strong suit. So, when something goes wrong, we usually pay out the ass for the repairs and then come away feeling ripped off or worse, completely broke from the expense.
The instant I remembered my car was under full warranty and any towing was 100% covered, I knew it would all be taken care of. As I sat in my vehicle waiting for the tow truck last night, I worried how long a repair might take but there was no spark of fear or dread. No upset stomach from worrying about cost or freaking out this might affect my trip to Prague for the Battle of the Nations World Championship in May.
Nope…I had complete peace of mind. I knew it was all going to work out positively.
As I thought about that on my drive back to work, in my perfectly working little red beast, it occurred to me just how much peace of mind soothes my soul.
For the past few months I have been fighting my body, in the form of injury, surgery or sickness. But as each problem has rectified itself I was comfortable in my training delay because I knew what the issues were and I know what it will take for me to get into full training shape again. I still have one unresolved issue with fatigue, which I think is most likely being caused by hypothyroidism, so on Friday I go in for my bi-yearly blood work to see exactly what the problem is.
Am I worried? To a certain extent, yes. But I am also very aware of my age, my current symptoms and that its a fairly easy fix. Now, if its NOT that, sure I will raise my alert level but for now, I am relying on peace of mind, because I know I still have time to train and I am still in great shape to fight. My body is good, I’m ready, I just need the energy back…
When I started this crazy adventure 3 years ago, I would have freaked the hell out and up til now, when I have had an injury that could take me out of the fight I panicked. I would push myself too hard, over train and undo any healing that I’d had, which in turn delayed my training longer than just having the patience to endure. With age, comes wisdom, and as you loose the exuberance (and stupidity) of youth, you do gain something in return.
The process of learning your own body, trusting your instincts and realizing that when something goes haywire its absolutely paramount to go get yourself checked out is where my peace of mind comes from. When my hormones started going nuts and affecting how I fought…I went in, found out that I was in perimenopause, was put on hormone therapy and my world went back to its happy constant.
When I was sick this past month, and dealing with allergens, the flu and a double ear infection, I didn’t really worry too much about my fatigue. But now that I am on the upside of all that, and my fatigue is not getting better, I know it was time for my blood work to get done. Besides the need to see where my vitamin levels are since last year, I definitely think my thyroid is not working properly. So, on Friday I will go get answers, instead of putting it off and hoping for the best. Peace of mind comes from knowledge, not wishful thinking. That lesson has been hard learned…but learned it has been!
Its also a much more pleasant conversation when I can be so open with Greg about everything under the sun, including my health. We both know that my time fighting is limited and if this year is any indication, much more limited than either of us expected, so to be able to talk about things with no fear of criticism, or judgement is a wonderful thing. A couple of years ago I would have felt broken, and incapable of admitting I am not as young as I used to be. But now, at 49 and 3 World Championships under my belt, I have no doubt age and this sport have taken a toll on my body.
Greg supports me, in every aspect of my life, he gives me encouragement and never tries to bring me down, ever. We have never fought, we always simply talk about things and it all works out because we both have peace of mind within our relationship, respect for one another and we trust each other completely. Without that, I would not be the woman I am today. He keeps me strong, lets me be willful and embraces the wildness that is Me, every single day.
Finding that peace of mind within myself and within my primary relationship allows me to be completely comfortable in my life. I know that no matter what happens, things will be alright. Even when a crisis arises, we deal with it and in the end, come out better, and stronger because of it usually.
I can’t say that peace of mind can be achieved easily, it takes work and it takes introspection on a very deep level and until you are ready to do that, its difficult to achieve but never stop trying. I don’t have the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything but I do realize what it takes for me to be happy, healthy and live life to the fullest in every way possible and that’s what I choose every day to do.
Find your peace of mind…and embrace it. Don’t let the tiny little rocks get to you.
We only get one time around on this big blue marble…enjoy it!!!
The Badass Valkyrie 
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