2015 Haunted Half Marathon Pack picked up!
Not at all feeling how I expected to feel. Yesterday, during my run I was panicked, every doubt I could possibly have and then some floating in my brain pan.
“I’m not a real runner”.
“I am never going to make my time goal”.
“I’m just going to get in everyone’s way”.
“I can’t believe I thought I could do this, I’m too fat to run”.
Then this morning, after sleep and seeing the time I did a slow jog/walk pace last night in, I know I can do it.
We all have to start some where and I started with my first 5k on 05.09.2009 and I found the photo of me just after I crossed the finish line. I hadn’t ran more than a mile at a time before that run and I survived. I ran that 5k in 39 mins and 31 seconds, which is actually faster than my average pace now.
I was close to my lowest weight (178) but I had no real muscle and my body could not maintain that low drop. When you have weight loss surgery your body dips down really lower than it should because it doesn’t know when to start leveling out. My leveled out average is 210ish but I would like to push it lower to the 195-205 range eventually. 6 years later my knees feel every extra pound I have. But I am also stronger, wiser and better trained.
Anyway, my point is, I AM a real runner, whether I am slow, fast, good, bad or crappy…I run. I am an athlete, in fact I am a STRONG Athlete! This morning I felt relief, for the first time in weeks. I knew there was no more worrying about practice runs, no more worries about tapering, no more worries about not getting enough time to get a run in.
I am where I am, and its going to be good enough. Period.
I have set my goal for the 13.1 miles at 3 hours-5 minutes-40 seconds because that’s my little brother’s time from the Baltimore Half Marathon he ran last weekend. He’s half my age and I figure I can run my first half in his full time. Its a goal, that’s all. If I make it, great. If I don’t, I still finish and I see what I have to beat for my next one.
I am resigned to the fact that I will be sore. My legs are going to hurt. My knees will not like me. I might energy crash somewhere in that 3:05:40 but I have done all I can to prepare. I have energy shots, (not good for fighting for me but good enough for running), protein bars, compression shorts, compression socks and I will be taping my knees before the race.
I am hydrating, I will carb up tonight with yummy pasta on Date Night with my man and tomorrow morning I will do something I never thought I would ever do in my lifetime, I had it as a goal, an idealistic wish that I wanted to do one, but never the balls to do one, until now.
Biggest plus? No one is gonna be hitting me with weapons & I don’t have to run in armor, its all bonus from that viewpoint lol.
So here’s me, on the raggedy edge…about to do the impossible. Let’s hope it ends shiny…