I had a long talk with my husband Greg yesterday, I simply asked him if I was enough. His answers were pretty amazing, just like he is. But one thing he said really stuck with me, “Baby, you are the Queen of Trying. You try to please everybody, all the time.”
I realize he is right. I do try to please people. I can’t help it. It’s simply part of my nature. But I also realize when I do that, it opens me up to accept a lot of stress and pressure (and sometimes abuse) that I probably don’t need when I can’t please everyone.
Whether I am trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect friend or the perfect lover, I will never win. I can’t. The game is rigged against me, because all I can do is try. Yet, at times you feel like you can almost reach perfection…but you can also fall flat on your face.
At 49, you would think I would have already realized I am enough. But evidently it takes a lot to let that sentiment sink into my not so thick skin. People say things that hurt me, criticize me, accuse me, whatever, and I let that sink in just fine, but people praise me or tell me I am good enough and it takes forever to scratch the surface.
Well…I am enough. I am perfect just the way I am, flaws and all. I can’t be the perfect wife, I can’t be the perfect friend, fighter or lover either. All I can do is be me…and whether I measure up to anyone else’s vision of me is something I need to quit worrying about.
The only person I need to be better than is the me I was yesterday, and even then I doubt I will always be better. Some days are great and they can’t be topped…and that’s ok.
I did some longsword work last night and it suddenly occurred to me that no matter what I do, what I accomplish in my life, I will never please everyone. Some people will be inspired by me, some people will feel the need to compete with me, some people will fall in love with me and there are even people who will want to do me harm, simply because of what I have in my life, and I can’t control any of that.
I love and adore my husband more than anything else on this planet, and his opinion of me matters more than anyone’s, so even if I don’t measure up to that…its still nothing I can control.
That’s the key…its nothing I can control.
I am enough for me. Whether I am enough for you is beside the point.
It’s all up to you. Because I am enough.
I’m just a girl, figuring out her place in this world, one step at a time.
I will accept you just the way you are…hopefully you do the same.